i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
