I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
