White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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