I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
