i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
