I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize