it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
