used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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