I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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