he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
