I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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