pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
