I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
