Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
