my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
