Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
