Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
