I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I looked at my own cervix.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
