the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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