I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
