don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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