She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
