if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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