it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
