I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
