I seem to have left my pride at pride
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
