Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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