Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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