OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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