is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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