it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
