Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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