You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
