My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she peed on how many people?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
