dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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