He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
