walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
