the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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