So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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