He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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