she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
