i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
