I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
