Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
