I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Terrible idea I love it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
