I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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