I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
