so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
