New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he shaved USA in his pubs
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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