He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize