Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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