Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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