were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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