MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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