I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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