You can't motorboat a personality
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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