Already got asked if we're dating
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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