I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
