There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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