I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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