finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
