She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
