I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
