I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize