Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize