If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
