I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
