you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
