Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
