Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These tits shall not be calmed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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