I've blown a few things in my day
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize