I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
