Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the condom got lost in my hair
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
