Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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