i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
