Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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