Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
